Five Films to See Just for the Hell of it!

1) SERIAL MOM. (1994)
This has always been a favourite with me, it's like a scary thriller movie gone mad. I mean it actually makes you route for the bad guy, or in this case woman and we are almost cheering when she wins!
This film is absolutely hilarious, in that it portrays a practically normal, if not slightly regimented and strict American house wife and mother gone crazy. She is against chewing gum, bad language and bad manners, but these rules have gone way over to the extreme side of things when she murders a math teacher for talking about her son chip. She squishes him with her car. She kills her daughters boyfriend because he stood her up, poker to the stomach in this case. She murders her husbands dentist and his wife because he won't treat her husbands sore tooth out of hours, air conditioning unit on the head. Oh yea, she hits an old woman over the head with a leg of meat because she didn't rewind a VHS tape and she flambes her sons friend when he fails to wear his seat belt, he does witness her kill the old woman though, so I guess he had it coming!
I almost forgot, as if killing weren't enough for this crazed house wife she needs to make obscene phone calls to her neighbour Dottie Hinkle just for something to do!
I just love this film as Kathleen Turner plays the role of serial killer Beverly Sutphin brilliantly! Don't wear white shoes after labour day around her whatever you do!



2) HOCUS POCUS. (1993)

Ok, so this film is largely based for an audience of around 12 years old, but I was 12 when I first watched this movie, I loved it then and I love it now!
Witches, Salem, black cats and salt circles, it's all here. So, it all starts back in 1693 when if you were a witch as Winifred, Mary and Sarah were, you were hanged. But come on, these three witches were taking the lives of the towns children to make themselves more young and beautiful. Never a good move if you want to get on with your neighbours! They turn a boy Thackeray Binx who is just trying to save his little sister into a cat, forever, and they put a curse on Salem vowing that they would return on all hallows eve (Halloween to you and me), when a virgin lights a candle, the 'Black Flame candle,' to be precise.
Skip on three hundred years, a stupid boy virgin lights the candle, brings the witches back and the adventure begins.
There is lots of flying on broom sticks, and vacuum cleaners, lots of spells and Thackeray Binx...yes, still a cat, joins the stupid virgin, his girlfriend and his little sister in defeating the witches.
It is hilariously funny, especially when the witches enter the house of whom they think is the devil, but is really an old geezer dressed up for the festivities, they get chased out by his wife's dog!
A brilliant performance by Bette Midler, and of course she gets to sing!



3) A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET. (1984)
A psychopathic child molester, who is murdered by the children's parents has decided to terrorise the children of Elm Street. How? In their dreams of course. Freddie Krueger, who is a bit of an ugly bad guy stalks the now teenagers whilst they are sleeping and attacks them and kills them with his weapon of choice...Leather gloves with blades attached to the fingers, ouch! Watch out for the ending, can you really fit a person through that tiny hole?



4) ALIEN (1979)
Such an impressive looking monster, best alien I have ever seen in a film anyway, I mean enough of all the little green men nonsense, this is more like it.
Lt Ripley and her crew are awakened from hyper sleep by a distress signal from a strange planet, so they go and check it out. Long story short, the guy who does what everyone who is watching the film is screaming for him not to do gets a hand like alien attached to his face. It falls off after a couple of days and all seems well, until.....eeeeew, a weird looking little creature bursts through his chest cavity killing him whilst he was trying to eat his dinner. This 'little' creature grows considerably bigger very quickly and begins to pick off the crew members one by one. Until eventually only Lt Ripley remains, oh and Jonesy...her cat.



5) PREDATOR (1987)
There is a strange looking alien from another planet who enjoys nothing better than hunting and killing worthy human beings for sport. We see one such alien, or predator hunting down a team of US Army Commandos deep in the heart of a southern jungle. Arnold Schwarzenegger decides that this is not on and takes it upon himself to outsmart the predator, using mud and various traps he succeeds in killing the beast, but watch out for its ultimate secret weapon!

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

I WANT TO BOUNCE OVER A FENCE USING A TRAMPOLINE!

Starring: Simon Pegg and Nick Frost.

Zombies, gotta love em. Just when Shaun's life was getting a bit mundane, same old same old, what happens to liven it up?...Zombies! What are the odds?

This is a story of a fight to stay alive, and drink beer at your favourite pub, whilst zombies are attacking, although they don't move very fast do they? Shaun, the hero of this story is a normal guy who is stuck in a rut with his life. His girlfriend Liz is fed up, he shares a flat with his scrounging best mate and also with his anally retentive, always angry mate. His relationship with his mum is neglected and he spends all his free time playing video games or drinking at his favourite pub the Winchester. His day to day tasks have become so routine...wake up, have breakfast, walk to shop for a coke a cola, buy a newspaper and get bus to work, that when zombies are walking slowly through the streets eating people, he doesn't even notice!

Shaun works at an electrical goods shop where he is an ignored supervisor with nil authority. He has to be reminded to visit his mum by his step dad and to bring flowers. Oh, and he forgets his and his girlfriends anniversary. So, he tries to book a table at a restaurant after he already said he had, of course he can't...cue break up with girlfriend Liz. Shaun and Ed go on a boozy night out to take Shaun's mind off it. Zombies are about then, do they spot them...noooooo!

Meanwhile, he keeps seeing things, did that lady really eat that pigeon? And then it all starts. His anally retentive flatmate Pete shouts at them in the early hours of the morning when they are playing loud music, after their not so wild night out. Pete has a headache, and mentions that someone bit him...not that odd really...yet! Next morning, there is a girl in the yard, they mess about thinking she is drunk, you know, taking pictures and making fun, that is until she falls onto a pole, impales herself and then gets back up again! Yuck! Then, on the news it is mentioned that a situation has occurred where the dead have risen and are attacking others (you think?!), if you get bitten you will become one of them. It is advised that the only way to stop the zombies is to remove the head or destroy the brain! Nice! It also mentions that you should keep your doors and windows locked...oops. So, zombies are in the house now as idiot Ed laft the door open. Shaun and Ed attack the girl and this other guy zombie buy throwing vinyl LPs at them, not the good ones though! Then finally they take a baseball bat and whack, crush their heads! yuck!

So, a rescue mission now to save Liz and Shauns mum. They plan it all out, several times actually before heading off to Shauns mums house. Ed decides to stay outside and, em, check out Shaun's step dads Jaguar...uh oh! Shaun goes in, talks to his mum, prepares to kill his step dad Phillip as he has been bitten, but is ok at the minute, so Shaun lets him live...for now! They all scramble into the Jag, Which Ed drives, very fast. They speed off to Liz' flat, splatting a few zombies on the way! Shaun climbs up the side of the building and in through the window, after a bit of coercing, Liz and her flat mates join them. More zombie splatting, then off to... oh, his step dad has been bitten remember, so isn't he due to change...aaaah! Everybody out of the car!

Surrounded by zombies, no car and minus a step dad, the gang head off to the safest place they know...The Winchester pub! They have an adventure and Shaun even gets to bounce over a fence using a trampoline...very cool! But, did his mum get bitten? Hmmm. Pretending to be zombies the gang make their way through the undead crowd, but Shaun has to lead the zombies away as they all get spotted for being fake zombies when they start arguing in front of them.

Once in the pub, people start dying, and of course people start changing into zombies as they get bitten. Eventually only Shaun, Ed and Liz battle through the evil dead with the help of a winchester rifle...of course, the winchester pub wouldn't be the same without the gun!

This film is amazingly funny, I especially love the scene when Shaun and the gang beat the zombie pub landlord over the head with pool ques to the music 'Don't stop me now,' by Queen, very funny!

'You got red on you.' Love it!

American Pie (1999)

WHY AN APPLE PIE??? EEEEWWW!

Starring: Jason Biggs and Sean William Scott.

O dear God, where do I start and how do I talk about this film? It is soooo funny, yet sooo disgusting and cringe making that I don't know how to explain it. Oh what the hell, here goes.

This very, very funny movie is about a bunch of horny teenagers, 4 lads to be specific, who, after a series of failed dates and attempts at getting girlfriends, or just getting laid make a pact. They agree to basically do whatever it takes to get laid before their high school prom.

These guys consist of Jim (Biggs), a geeky, clumsy, over randy guy who wants that special someone, but finds it hard just talking to women. He has a crazy, yet very understanding father who always seems to walk in on him at the wrong time....scene with the tube sock! Oh dear. This guy is the reason for the title of the film, he gets down and dirty with an apple pie...don't ask! Apparently, that is what second base feels like! He eventually hooks up with Nadia, but uh oh...gets a bit too excited and it's all over before it begins! In the end, he finds a band geek to play with! 'What's my name bitch!' Very funny!

Anyway, then there is Oz. Oz is a Jock. He is a sporty guy who basically knows nothing other than sports. His nickname is Casanova as he is handsome and a chick magnet, yet he has only gone as far as second base (Yes, he is the one who tells Jim what second base feels like so you can blame him for the pie scene!). Oz changes his ways after an embarrassing moment with a college girl, and get this, he joins the choir! But wait, is this where he meets his true love? Hmmmm.

There is Kevin next. Now Kevin has a girlfriend already, but he publicly announces that he is fed up with blow jobs, oops...did he say that in front of his girlfriend? He finds out that he has never made her come and embarks on a mission to make her climax to repay the complement of all her blow jobs, oh yea and to get laid by her!

Last but not least there is Finch, this guy is a walking brain, but he has very snobby and strange habits, like going home from school at lunch time for a number two....yes, a poop. His enemies call him 'Shit Break.' So, he decides to use his brain to win over the ladies, and it does start working until he gets on the wrong side of his nemesis Stifler (Scott). Lets just say that he is forced to use the school toilets for a change!

Steve Stifler, a.k.a the 'Stiffmeister,' not part of the pact, but a major character in the film is a hot head, class clown who is popular with everyone and is famous for his parties. Yet he also has embarrassing moments with the girls, for instance he drinks a suspicious beer and pukes all over a potential lay. His mum, is deemed a M.I.L.F by the guys, and wait a minute, is that Finch getting down and dirty with her on the pool table at Stiflers house? Watch it and see!

Prom comes and goes, do the guys get laid before prom night? It would be a boring film if they didn't, but my god do they have fun along the way to achieving it! A very entertaining film, good soundtrack too! A must see!

Hannibal (2001)

NOTICED ANYTHING DIFFERENT ABOUT CLARICE?

Starring: Anthony Hopkins and Julianne Moore.

Ok, so this is not a classic like its prequel ‘Silence of the Lambs’, in fact a lot of people don't like this film and I must admit, I had pre conceptions before I had seen it, mainly because Jodie Foster didn't play the role of Clarice. Yet I have to say, hats off to Julianne Moore, she portrays Clarice perfectly.

Sooo, what is it all about? Well, Hannibal 'the Cannibal,' Lecter has been at large for, get how crap the F.B.I is, 10 YEARS! We catch up with the almost loveable serial killer (come on, everyone likes Hannibal in a chilling type way!), in Florence, Italy. Here he goes by the alias Dr Fell (Notice he had to make sure people still called him Dr!) He lives in the library of a museum where he is trying to get the job of curator. His predecessor mysteriously disappeared!

Meanwhile, Clarice Starling is getting hung, drawn and quartered by the Bureau. Basically she is getting a telling off by the F.B.I for killing a lot of people in a drug bust that went wrong. Dr Lecter gets wind of this as her downfall becomes public. So he writes to her....So it all begins again.

Clarice Starling is assigned to the Lecter case by Paul Krendler (an idiot, corrupt agent!), to see if she can find him where obviously so many have failed. As we expected, good old Clarice tracks him down at record speed to Florence. Yet, what is this...A Florence dead beat detective by the name of Rinaldo Pazzi has recognised Dr Fell for who he is. He even checks the F.B.Is 10 most wanted list photo against Dr Fell’s picture and is satisfied that he has found the allusive monster. Yet of course, Rinaldo Pazzi is after the reward money which is a lot! So, off goes the detective to ring the number for the reward and to put their trap into action.

The person who is offering the reward for Lecter is a man by the name of Mason Verger. Now Mason is Hannibal Lecters only surviving victim. I say surviving, as yes, he is alive. Mason Verger barely has a face and he is completely paralysed. Yet, he is absolutely loaded with cash, living in a huge mansion with a servant, well a personal Dr by the name of Cordell. Mason Verger had a run in with Dr Lecter when he was being treated by him. I guess Lecter didn’t like him (as Verger is a twisted, paedophile, horrible man), so he got him drunk and gave him drugs before he made him peel his own face off....I won’t spoil it for you by telling it all.

Things get fast paced now as Rinaldo tries to catch Lecter...Ha ha ha! Then Clarice catches up with him. Mason Verger then has a go at revenge...hmmm, and Paul Krendler was rude to Clarice so Hannibal goes to tell him off! Great scenes at Krendlers house by the way, a little bit gory, but great!

There is a tender moment between Lecter and Clarice before Lecter has to split to evade capture...again! So Lecter flies off into the sunset, minus an appendage...watch it and you will understand. Good sequel!