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KEEP HIM AWAY FROM PEANUT M&M'S!Starring: Rowan Atkinson and Peter Nichols
I don't get how this massive mistake could happen, and then how in the name of all that is holy does he get away with it! I digress, let me start from the very beginning...
Mr Bean (Atkinson) is asleep in the Royal National gallery in England when he is supposed to be doing his job. He is the caretaker, but not a very good one at best. The big boss dudes want him out and are all agreed to fire him when the head suddenly announces that he is very fond of Mr Bean actually and will do no such thing as fire him as he has been nothing but loyal bla de blah. So, cunningly, the boss dudes decide to send him to L.A, yep, they are going to let U.S.A deal with him. A Los Angeles art gallery have requested a British scholar to come and talk about the famous painting 'Whistlers Mother,' at an unveiling. So what do they do, you guessed it in one, they send Bean under the guise of Art Scholar...The scene is set.
Oh dear, that pretty much sums it up. We have an eccentric nutcase loose in L.A in the family home of David Langley (Peter Nichols), who works at the L.A gallery and whose job is on the line.
Bean manages to befriend the son of the family, but seems to enrage all the other members. Then, he goes to work with David....All hell breaks loose! Excellent bathroom scene though! I cringe when the boss walks in and catches him.
So, basically, Bean overstays his welcome, Davids wife and kids move out on the orders of Beans removal from the house....Somehow, Bean manages to create destruction, and yes, the painting is involved. David turns to booze for comfort, and everything looks very bad. And only then does he blow up the microwave trying to cook a turkey for Davids boss!
Feeling very guilty at what he has done, Bean begins to dwell. Until, a light bulb goes ping in his head. He sets off under the cover of darkness to the gallery armed with eggs, laxatives, underpants, a torch and a hairdryer. He gets there on a skateboard of all things and puts his plan into action to make right what he made spectacularly wrong.
I just wet myself with laughter every time i watch this film. There are scenes that just make you sore you laugh that much. He always manages to make things right after getting into weird situations, how is this? Like at the hospital when he saves the life of Davids daughter (by accident of course!) Or in the operating theatre! (Don't ask!) He is and will forever be an enigma, But he is British and you have got to love him!
Watch it...it is incredibly funny, cheesy and down right enjoyable! Laugh out Loud humour.
I NEVER THOUGHT SUPER GLUE WAS THAT SUPER!
Starring: Kevin Mckidd and Emma Cleasby
Neil Marshall, what a genius! He knows what suspense means, but this horror also contains a hint of black humour, which is always fun.
This film used to scare the begeebers out of me until i watched it for about the 10th time. But, it also makes me laugh hysterically in places too, for instance the intoxicated 'Sarge,' spider women and almost everything that comes out of 'Spoons,' mouth! '
What is the film about then? WEREWOLVES! Lots and lots of werewolves, well a whole family anyway. We begin with a squad of soldiers who are on a training exercise, or so they think, in a Scottish forest in the middle of nowhere (of course!) Anyway, their training exercise turns into a rescue operation after they bump into a massacred special operations squad. They meet a pack of werewolves (they can't really see them properly yet and haven't a clue what they are), who stalk them and the surviving spec opps member, Ryan, through the forest. Enter our only women in the film, Megan. She comes to the rescue of our heroes in her land rover after apparantly hearing their gunshots, so she very kindly and fortunately helps them all to her 'friends,' cottage (which is situated, you guessed it...in the middle of nowhere).
So, here we are, a bunch of soldiers, their wounded Sergeant and Ryan in a strangers house. They now have to defend themselves against the pack who wait very patiently outside. A few near misses occur as well as a few casualties. We get to understand a little bit more what the hell is going on, and our hate for Ryan grows deeper. Then, after a major surgical operation and a spectacular recovery, the bullets run low for our heroes, as does the hot water and frying pans. Time for a plan of action. But wait, a twist, more deaths and some bloody good special effects! A few mega explosions later and some intense praying for daylight we see what is left of the house and the survivors that walk away. (I'd be running away very fast and making sure i got out of that damn forest before it gets dark again!)
I love this film, it is intense from the very word go and never stops delivering the chills!
WHAT THE HELL ARE DWERGY?Starring: Hugh Jackman and Kate Beckinsale.
We start this film in Black and white (don't worry, we get colour later!) in Transylvania where Dr Frankenstein has been up to no good creating a monster using body parts from the villages deceased, but worst of all he has resided in none other than Count Dracula's castle...tut tut, stupid boy! Anyway, the monster escapes, the towns folk attack with pitch forks and all hell is let loose basically. But why is Dracula so sad, why is he after Frankensteins monster? Hmmm. Cool exit from the flames though from Dracula!
Now a glimpse into what Van Helsing (Jackman) does for a living, his curse as he calls it is to vanquish the supernatural, the weird and the wonderful or monsters to you and me. So here he is in Paris having a little fun at Notre Dam with Mr Hyde, the alter ego of Dr Jekyll. The effects of this film are pretty good to say they didn't really have a big budget. Poor Van Helsing, he does his job and he gets no thanks, just blame and hate.
On to the Vatican then, where of course the headquarters are located. It's a little bit 007 with a department for gadgets and gizmo's to help Van in his battles with the unholy. We meet the trusty side kick here in the form of a monk, sorry a friar by the name of Carl who is reluctantly recruited to join Mr Helsing to Transylvania in the hunt for...yep, you guessed it Dracula!
Cut to a dark and mysterious clearing in a forest where a bunch of gypsies are setting up a trap. Something is lurking. Long story short we meet Anna (Beckinsale), and Velkan Volerious who have a bit of a scuffle with a werewolf. Not going to spoil it for you as i would give it all away but silver bullets seem to be used in this film as well for the purpose of killing werewolves. I love it when certain rules become law and are carried on in newer films.
Characters such as Van and Anna meet in her village, after a fight with vampires of course, they get acquainted, she instantly dislikes him, they talk about Dracula then they argue.
There is then a major hunt for Dracula as it is realised that he is trying to start a family...aaah, no it really isn't aah, it's more eeew! We find out that Dracula controls werewolves and is trying to kill off the Valerian family as only they can vanquish him. An interesting fact occurs when Dracula and Van Helsing meet and have a little chat at Dracs castle. Meanwhile Carl rescues a girl before they rush off for a bit of nookie, glad he's only a friar then!
I love the Halloween ball, it's amazing. Apparently it was filmed in a cathedral in Prague and the temperature in the building when they were filming was freezing (just thought you would like to know).. But where would we be without a massive fight scene between good and evil? Good effects again and a few good twists and turns to keep the suspense and limited plot going.
This is a good film, i have watched it a dozen times, i like the fact that there is a mixture of characters such as Dracula, Frankenstein, his monster, Jekyll and Hyde and the wolfman all in one film. It can get a bit mushy at times but there are some good one liners..All in all watchable and fun.
WHAT IS WITH THE MAKING FISTS WITH YOUR TOES ALL ABOUT?Starring: Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman
This is where we first meet John McClane( Willis), wow, Bruce Willis actually has hair! He arrives via Limo from the airport to the Nacatomy Plaza sky scraper in Los Angeles to meet his wife Holly for Christmas. McClane is a NYPD police officer who is about to have an unexpected transfer to LAPD.
All the employees at the tower are having their office Christmas party and everyone is getting drunk and merry. No problems yet then, but wait, whats happening downstairs in the underground car park? Who are all those guys in that white van, and why are they carrying guns?
So here we meet a bunch of angry Germans, with their leader Hans Gruber (Rickman), a team of armed thieves who pose as terrorists in a plan to steal what lurks inside the Nacatomy vault.
There are many deaths, mainly from McClane and his trusty array of firearms (he must carry tons of bullets!), though he does strangle one particularly angry German with a chain at some point, doesn't quite work though.
McClane, single handedly takes out most of the bad guys, and gets alot of glass in his feet whilst trying to save his wife. He doesn't seem to care about the other hostages as i think most of them die as well...thought this film was titled die hard! Guess that just applies to McClane then!
I haven't mentioned Al have i, well, Al is a regular stereotype beat cop. Over weight, and eating junk food. (no offence here to the cops who actually do a good job and keep in shape...lol, they don't exist do they!?!) So Al hears on his radio that there was a 911 call from Nacatomy Plaza, and as he happens to be in the neighbourhood he takes a look. Of course he is totally unprepared for what he is about to get himself into, but he becomes good buddies with McClane and is his moral support from the outside. (They talk to each other via radio, as McClane lifts one off one of the dead guys!)
Anyway, no matter what i say, i still love this film, it is great action with lots of shooting, wise cracks, explosions, ORV's, people falling out of windows, trust me you have to see it. It can be a little cheesy at times but on the whole it is great entertainment. Oh yea, and the FBI guys get what they deserved, pompous arrogant........
HAVE YOU NOTICED TYLER APPEARING IN FLASHES AT THE BEGINNING OF THE FILM?Starring: Edward Norton and Brad Pitt.
I could watch this film over and over again, it's just one of those that never gets boring and you always see something different and new on another viewing. No, it's not just because Brad Pitt and Ed Norton are flashing their honed six packs....honestly
So, what is fight club all about...'the first rule of fight club is that you don't talk about fight club!' Enough said....No, just kidding. Well, it all starts at the end of the film with our two stars and a hand gun, but we then bounce back a bit until Mr X (Norton), is happy enough to tell you how they got in that situation.
The film is narrated throughout by Mr X (we never find out his name), and starts with him being miserable, bored at work, an insomniac and obsessed with buying furniture. His doctor won't listen to him as there are truly ill people out there, so Mr X goes to seek out these people in real pain. He becomes a group therapy junky, cures his insomnia and meets his nemesis Darla (Helen Bonham Carter). Now he can't sleep again as Darla is messing with his head.
On a work trip Mr X meets Tyler Durden (Pitt) on a plane, long story short his flat explodes and he ends up living at Tylers run down house in the middle of an abandoned estate. Tyler is everything Mr X is not, and together they set up the Fight Club. They get recruits, they set homework tasks and they go on military style missions causing chaos throughout the city.
There are many brilliant scenes throughout this film such as the fight between Mr X and his boss, the acid scene, just seeing meatloaf with man boobs is funny enough, but i would give anything to be able to play golf from my roof without smashing someones window!
How the story ends up with Mr X and Tyler in a sky scraper with a gun is a series of twists and turns, it really does make you go...ooh, NOW i get it! Bloody brilliant! Hope you agree!?!
THE GREATEST FILM OF ALL TIME?Starring: Anthony Hopkins and Jodie Foster.
Hopefully everyone in their right mind has seen this multi Oscar winning classic, but for the unfortunate few i will give you a brief rundown of why it is my number one.
Hannibal 'the Cannibal' Lecter (Hopkins), is a sociopathic serial killer who, for his crimes (eating people), has been incarcerated for life. He once was a respected and sought after psychiatrist until he got a taste for dining on the rude and incourteous members of the human race. Now he spends his days in his dingy penitentiary cell drawing and sketching in incredible detail the views he holds in his mind of the various places he has visited.Dr Lecter is feared by most people that visit him which often include census takers, nurses journalists and the FBI. He hasn't the time of day for anybody and often fobs people off with a sarcastic comment or put down. That is until Clarice Starling (Foster), is sent to visit him. Clarice is a trainee with the FBI's behavioural science department and is sent to Lecter to find out information on a new serial killer 'Buffalo Bill,' by picking Lecters brains for a behavioural profile of the new offender. Cue the classic scene of Clarice Starling approaching the glass cell where a standing Dr Lecter is already awaiting her arrival.I wouldn't dream of spoiling it for those who want to see it but there is a brilliant if not a little chilling scene where Lecter describes to Clarice what he did to a census taker who once tried to test him...favor beans...liver...ffffff. You have to watch it!Anyway, Dr Lecter begins to like Clarice, they talk (always from behind the glass!), and he helps her, in his own psycho-analytical way on the Buffalo Bill case, which is incidentally a guy who likes women's skin a little bit too much!Things take a twist when the FBI realise that Dr Lecter is the key to solving the Buffalo Bill case and so they bargain with him for his help and information. This leads to graphic deaths, classical music, blood, gore, lambs and an ending where unusually the bad guy remains alive and at large.All in all a brilliant film, based on the book by Thomas Harris. This movie is highly recommended for the horror film fans and for those who like a good thriller!
